Sakamoto . . . My Soul

1300 words (Background)

The crescendo of music filled his consciousness. At once he was in the music, surrounded by it, living it, yet anxiety was breaking through; he knew the track was coming to an end. His finger itched on the remote control, ready to click it back to the beginning of track number four, "The Last Emperor".

"Turn it down!" his mother bellowed from the next room, too absorbed in Under One Roof to bother with the feelings of the ones under her own roof. He thought this and at once felt guilty for thinking it, but tried hard not to, and felt guilty for that too. What kind of rebel feels guilty for rebelling?

"You're a failure as a teenager, you know." Joe-cool, ice boy supreme, told him that. Tony resented it, but was forced to laugh. Another failure to be honest and admit how he felt.

He lowered the volume by remote when his mother came in to yell at him. To spite her he put on earphones and turned the volume super high, but his ears began to hurt and he sneakily slipped the control downwards. Though no one was there to notice, he felt guilty again.

"Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence" he was so proud of this CD, acquired over the Internet from London with the French title of the film Furyo.

"What the hell does it mean?" Joe-cool had asked and he felt a failure for not knowing.

The melody soothed him and he flicked through the tracks to the end one, the one with David Sylvian's ultra voice.

"They're gay boys!" Joe-cool had laughed when he heard it. "What's it mean anyway?" Joe looked at him suspiciously, and Tony wondered if he was accusing him indirectly of being homosexual.

"It's from the movie, lah. Two officers fall in love."

"Ah kua."

"No, lah! Not like that one! Nothing happen. David Bowie and Ryuichi Sakamoto, you see it one time, remember?"

"No." Joe-cool never remembered anything that didn't have Jackie, Arnie, Samo or Jean-Claude in it.

"Never mind," he said, "I read the book. Oshima took liberties with van der Post's original. The suggestion of homosexuality was there only as a possibility for misinterpretation by the other men, but it was really a metaphysical attraction."

"Huh?" Joe's expression shut up Tony's line of thought.

"Nothing about ah kua, just men in war. The song is called "Different * Colours", you know? The enemy is a soul mate. You see things differently from your own people, but the same way as your enemy. What if someone you love is the enemy?"

"Mrs Ong's the enemy. Catch me loving a chemistry teacher and you can push me under a train!"